Sunday, June 12, 2011

Ball Talk

When I was a little girl, I thought all boys were stinky. Now that I'm a big girl, I know all boys are stinky. Whether it's flatulence, beer breath or cheese feet, there always seems to be some foul odor emanating from the average male. But here's something I never thought about.  Ball sweat.  That is until recently, when I became aware of a product that will benefit any man with a smelly, sweaty undercarriage. That's right.  I'm lookin' at you, mister.  It's a long over-due product called Fresh Balls.  Their website says "... it won’t clump on your skin or leave a powdery residue in your pants."   Really?  Men actually powder their balls?  Why did I not know this?   Men are hilarious!

As soon as I became aware of this little tidbit, I found myself Googling sweaty balls (and who of us hasn't?) and came across a men's forum where they were discussing the powdering of balls.  This was my favorite: 

"Real men shave their balls in a warm shower, then spray lavender Febreze (yes, on the balls), then sprinkle baby powder, then a second spray of lavender Febreze (in that EXACT order). Don't question the method, just try it. Your nuts will be tap-dancing in your pants. It's really a life of luxury for your boys and it just feels right, ya know."   No, I didn't know.  But I'm for anything that tap-dances in my pants.

And my favorite post found in a bodybuilding forum by a guy extolling the virtues of his balls:

"Some have compared my crotch to a warm Georgia summer with the children playing duck duck goose and grandma making fresh-squeezed lemonade in front while Uncle Biff changes the oil in his '55 Chevy."  I want to live in this man's pants!

My advice to all you malodorous men out there who want to keep your bean bags fresh, have your grandmother knit you a nice ball cozy or, oh...I don't know...maybe take a shower!!

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